Houses I slept in - friends' homes.................................................8 - friends of friends' homes..................................8 - couchsurfing...................................................1 - people I met through schools I visited...............4 - perfect strangers I called out of the blue (boondockerswelcome.com)...............................1 - "cults"............................................................1 - intentional communities...................................2 What I learned being in people’s homes: - hospitality:
(ps. what made me feel the most comfortable was the "our house is your house - if you want something go get it" form of hospitality! easy on the host - easy on the guest!) | Places I Slept in the Van - people's driveways............................................5 - sidestreets.......................................................9 - unofficial/official campgrounds/scenic-pullouts....3 - parking lots:
What I learned sleeping in the van:
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Well, here's the tally...approximately half and half. Fifty percent of my time spent in the van, and fifty percent in people's homes. Both had their pros and cons, and I learned things from both! For those who are interested, here's the breakdown: Final assessment? They were both good. There were times that I was really grateful to be on my own, sleeping in my own bed, not having to talk to anyone or be in someone else's space. And there were times that I was so glad to have friendly people to talk to, someone to make me dinner, and knowing where I was going to sleep for a few nights. Having a balance was perfect.
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Eating on the road is a challenge when you’re trying not to be cheap, even when you're packing 7 boxes of ingredients and a campstove. Stealth camping means finding unobtrusive spots you can cook…which is easier said than done. Cities are tricky. You can’t just whip out a campstove and propane beside the swings in a school playground. And just because there’s a picnic table in the small courtyard beside the Starbucks doesn’t mean they want you cooking burgers there. I’ve generally found that the best solution is to Google “parks picnic BBQ” when I enter a new town. Parks with BBQ stands are meant for people to cook in (even if you get strange looks from the dogwalkers at 7am when you're frying eggs). I have also cooked successfully on my back-bumper fold-down table in park parking lots, scenic turn outs, and rest stops, though it is not without its challenges. One of the tricks to eating cheaply on the road is to BRING INGREDIENTS WITH YOU. I was blessed to have a large amount of leftover dry goods from Malcolm Island (dried beans, rice, noodles, canned goods, spices, etc), garden produce and eggs (thanks Pam, Kai, and Mike!), large amounts of home-canned salmon and chili that I received in a work exchange, and boxes of food from friends who were moving and didn’t want to take it with them (thanks Anissa and Shane!), as well as random food gifts from friends. Thus my purchases on the trip are reduced to things I am now beginning to run out of, like chickpeas, nut butter, almond milk, eggs, and fresh vegetables (and occasionally meat). Having so much in the way of dry and canned goods, condiments, and spices means that cooking all my meals is possible and has kept my costs down considerably. I confess that I have eaten a McDonald’s value burger, and two McDonald’s fries, as well as numerous muffins, ‘energy’ bars, chocolate bars and coffees. I now understand why poor people eat cheap fast food. Cooking requires a large part of your day when you’re on the road. You need to think ahead 4 hours to your next meal, decide what you have ingredients for, stop at a grocery store if you don’t have something, find a suitable place to set up camp for cooking (which often involves detours), cook (which often takes much longer than usual, considering the circumstances), eat, clean up (or throw all dirty dishes into van) and head out again. Oh, and now it’s time to think of supper. More often than not I forget about the next meal until I’m hungry, and then end up mowing down on peanut butter, tortilla chips, energy bars, and celery. Here are some of my more memorable gourmet meals-on-the-road, sometimes with very memorable circumstances or settings: - Gourmet Scrambled Eggs in corn tortillas with salsa, cooked on a one-burner propane mini-stove in the 2 foot square clearing in the middle of my van, on the floor, IN THE MIDDLE OF AN EXTREME WIND AND RAIN STORM in a pull-off area between cliffs and ocean. The van was literally swaying from side to side. I was crouched on the floor with no room to even turn, the burner perched precariously on top of the food boxes, sautéing green onions and garlic. I wish I’d taken a photo.
What happens when an organized, structured, controlling person tries to wing it, to fly by the seat of her pants, to find a free place to sleep for the night without organizing a single blessed thing in advance?
HIGH STRESS, that’s what happens! I have been trying to dance a fine line between ‘organized’ and ‘instinctive’, between ‘planned’ and ‘easy-going’, ‘researched’ and ‘open to possibility’. But let’s face it, folks. When it comes right down to it, I just might be a highly structured person banging my head on the door of ‘free spiritedness’, and there’s a massive headache right around the corner. Yesterday someone asked me, “So, Arjenna, why ARE you trying to wing it? Why not just accept that you’re a Type A, and organize things ahead of time? What’s wrong with that? It would be so much less stressful! ” Hmm. Why indeed? Well, in truth, because I knew it would make me more stressed and anxious! In Gabor Mate’s book “When the Body Says No” he talks about the importance of emotional competence: “Emotional competence is what we need to develop if we are to protect ourselves from the hidden stresses that create a risk to health, and it is what we need to regain if we are to heal.” One of the skills emotional competence requires is “the capacity to feel our emotions, so that we are aware when we are experiencing stress.” In addition, we require the ability to express our emotions effectively, to discern whether our emotional reactions are due to a current threat or some residue from the past, and to acknowledge our genuine needs instead of repressing them in order to gain approval. Certain personality types (ie. mine), according to Mate, are more prone to experiencing physiological stress due to poor emotional competence. The holding in of emotions (especially anger) does damage to the body over time. Many of Mate’s patients, critically ill or on their death bed, were perpetually pleasant, smiling, and frequently told others that everything was ‘fine’. Rather than this being an attempt to experience genuine joy and see beauty in spite of their pain, these patients seemed to have lost touch with their own feelings, their anger, and their fears, and moreover had done so since childhood. Unfortunately (or fortunately), when one loses touch with the emotions, the body is still aware. It whispers at first, but if not heard, eventually it screams. I know that screaming. I also know what it is to feel a lack of connection with one’s body and one’s emotions, to be a perfectionist, to always be trying to please others, to not know how to express (or even to feel) strong emotions, to judge certain emotions as bad and to try to change them without ever having really experienced them or asked what was beneath them. Many of us do. Some of us learn emotional competence sooner rather than later. And for most it’s a lifelong process. So, why do my trip this way? I guess part of me was curious as to whether I could open myself up, with gentleness and non-judgement, to whatever arose. And boy have things arisen!! If nothing else, trying to wing it and forcing myself out of my comfort zone have truly shown me how much the triad of anxiety, fear, and stress affect my thinking, my patterns, and most of all my body. If I had any hopes of seeing myself as a Wonder Woman, blythly wandering around the country with courage and a new profound self-confidence, conquering all, they were to be dashed by about, oh, Day 2. Recognizing emotions always leads me to the hidden ‘stories’ in my head which cause those emotions. And what stories there are! Stories around incompetence, lack of trust, what others think of me, failure, control, expectation, worth. They are circling in the back of my mind, hovering just out of consciousness, only recognizable because of the emotions they elicit. Frankly, those emotions are easily dealt with by distraction, a cup of good coffee, keeping busy, surfing the internet, checking facebook, eating chocolate, a glass of wine, sleep. But my body is not so easily placated. Police car behind me? Every muscle is tight as a drum. Steep winding road? White knuckles and neck so painful I can barely turn it to see what’s coming next. No place to sleep yet tonight? Late for an appointment? Have to call someone I don’t know? Is my website satisfactory? Is this sentence ok? Did I just make a fool of myself? Do I have enough money to get me back home? Is that an odd noise from my car? What am I going to DO when I get back to Ontario? Do I have enough time to get to that town? Did I just cut that guy off? Are they honking at me? Is there a point to this trip? Did that ranger see my illegal campspot? Where can I park???? The beautiful scenery, fun opportunities, and interesting people whiz by in a hardly noticed blur, camouflaged by negativity and worry. And when I get out of the car, I can hardly straighten up. My hips are so tight it hurts to take a step. Sitting is painful. Standing hurts. Sciatic is going on strike. Everything hurts on a level that is barely tolerable. The question is this: Can I notice how my body feels, instead of always trying to distract myself from the physical and emotional stress, and can I do it with love? It is not until I can be present with my own emotions, with gentleness, respect, and kindness, that I can truly be with others’ emotions in the same way. It is not until I can experience my own feelings and stories, without judgement, that I can be at peace with myself and therefore with others. It is not until I can be present with what is, in myself, that I can be fully present with what is in other people. And it is not until I can recognize the emotions affecting my body, fully feel them and acknowledge them, that the energy they generate can be released and my body will no longer need to scream to be heard. Of course, I could probably teach myself this lesson more gently if I were to camp legally, replace my left brake light, get maps before hitting big cities, wait out coastal storms before driving cliff-top roads, and stop crossing the border under sketchy circumstances. But where would be the fun (I mean stress) in that?! My roadtrip plan: to tap into my inner guiding wisdom and intuitive powers. Ditch the map, follow my instinct, meet interesting people and find cool places without researching for hours online first.
THAT was before my intuition got me stuck driving around Seattle for 4 hours without a map, circling endlessly on one-way streets, unable to find parking, and accidentally heading out of town on freeways with no hope of turning around (multiple times, might I add)… All I wanted was to park, to wander, and to serendipitously run across some really cool things, maybe a nice little coffee shop where I could regroup... Apparently my intuition was not up for the task. Next stop: Portland. I had a date to meet one of the teachers at the Village Free School. I had the basic directions saved on my cell phone, so I was good to go. Arrived in Portland in good time…now to find the school. Two hours later, after stopping to check wifi at a McDonalds, stopping at a pizza place to get written directions, and stopping to bang my head on the steering wheel and pull out some hair, I finally found the school an hour late. I’m beginning to think that making the Tourist Information Bureau my first stop in every city might be a very good idea. After Portland I headed to Eugene. I didn’t have anything planned in Eugene. I did see some cool things there, and found street parking overnight. Did a lot of walking and BBQing in the rain. My last day, after several hours of research online in a coffeeshop, I came across information about an intentional community 40 minutes out of Eugene that had a democratic outdoor school, organic gardens, a model based on gift economy, and also did tours and let people stay there for free. Yay!! Go intuition! (combined with extensive scouring of the internet!). I emailed them. Got back a form response. Called them. The phone rang and rang. Decided to stay one more night in Eugene and try again the next day. The next day I called from a Seniors Center that had wifi - there was still no answer. Well, I thought, I will just do a drive by. There was an address for their current location, and if I went half an hour north first, it would basically be right on my route to the coast. First, however, I flipped through a local independent newspaper and, lo and behold, came across an ad for a local Waldorf School that was giving a free workshop on therapeutic eurythmy (a movement form used in Waldorf education). The workshop was starting in 20 minutes! I ran the 15 minutes to where my car was parked, jumped in, drove straight to the Waldorf School, following the google directions I had downloaded, and raced into the office. There was no one there. I asked a teacher standing nearby if she knew anything about the workshop. No…hadn’t heard of it. But she would help me find someone. After walking around the school for 10 minutes, and asking various staff members, we finally found one of the eurythmy teachers. She thought for a long moment, and then said that yes, she thought the other teacher had been planning on doing some kind of workshop, but it had been changed to next month. Damn it. I asked if it was possible to get a tour of the school (it was a gorgeous, amazing, facility!). I was informed that they would normally absolutely love to give me a personal tour, but Wednesdays were half days – all the students were heading home, and the teachers had an all-afternoon staff meeting, starting ASAP. So I wandered around a bit on my own, and then decided I’d better head to the intentional community before it got too late. Off I drove…got to the tiny town of Triangle Lake around dinner time. Finally, after driving up and down the highway with dusk approaching, I found the number. An old sign that said “Triangle Lake Conference Center” stood just off the road, behind a metal fence with a large gate that was firmly and decisively padlocked. I stood at the side of the road for a few minutes, contemplatively. For anyone who knows me and my current interests, this community embodies all that I love – it is exactly the kind of place I am looking to visit or spend time at. I drove a few minutes down the road to the little “ma and pa” corner store I had passed (Triangle Lake is literally just a corner…with some houses spread down the side of a lake). Went in and asked “ma” if there was anywhere I could park and sleep overnight. “Well,” she said, “You can pull in beside the store there and park. That would be fine.” “Can I use my camp stove there to cook supper?” “Sure. Won’t bother us.” So I made supper, and then went to sleep overlooking a beautiful lake as trucks and cars pulled in and out of the store beside me. The next morning, around 9am (a good time for a gate to be open that has a school, yes?), I went back to the Conference Center entrance. Locked. No sign of people. What to do now?? Drive on and wave goodbye, I guess. What other option is there, other than climb the fences and trespass, which might not be the best self-introduction for someone looking to spend time for free somewhere. So off my intuition and I went, driving to the coast to spend the day in a library, doing more fruitless research, and then driving further down the coast to the town of Bandon, where, after much driving around town, scouting out locations for sleeping, I knocked on the door of the priest’s house at a Catholic Church and secured myself a nice spot in the parking lot for the night. The next day I ended up in a young, hip, hippy town named Arcata. Found a place to park, made myself some supper in a park, and then wandered into a large health food store. There, in the free newspaper and postings area, I discovered that I’d just missed a free organic vegan dinner in the square (“Food, Not Bombs”) the evening before, and a by-donation breakfast that morning in the downtown area. There was also a concert by one of my favourite musicians who was coming to town in 2 days (which would make me late for my next meeting), and I had just missed a free meditation and movement seminar. Really??? Is it that I HAVE no intuition? That I’m not listening properly? That’s my gut instinct isn’t calibrated properly and I’m just missing everything slightly?? I feel like I’m wandering around cities and towns, walking right by all the people and places that I would love to meet and visit, if I only knew they were there. How do I find them??? I’ll tell you one thing I’m learning….intuition or no, get a MAP before you drive through a new city! My intuition is going to have to learn to collaborate with things like maps, Visitor Information Centers, and Google…if I can ever learn to tap into it! Heading into San Francisco now, map in hand, to see if I can find a place to sleep for free. Come on gut instinct…do your thing! (Ps. Yesterday I did a short, half hour walking tour of the most popular section of the Redwood Forest. Very beautiful. I got lost. Turns out there were 2 loops connected by a short path. I went around the second one three times before I finally bumped into another hiker who directed me back. Ironically, as I was getting lost, I was thinking about how it was going to be important for me to start using maps.) Maybe it was because I was nervous. Or because I was already anticipating that they wouldn't like the looks of my hippy van. I TRIED to be calm, make eye contact, and answer questions directly.
Unfortunately, it seems that the combination of no fixed address, no job, and no money are rather large warning flags to border guards. Along with having all your earthly possessions, 8 boxes of food, and a bed in your van. They don't like it. This is where things started going downhill: "Where is your permanent residence?" - "Hamilton, Ontario" "Did you own the last place you lived in?" - "No, I rented" "Are you paying 2 months rent right now while you travel?" - "Pardon?" (honestly, I didn't hear exactly what he asked) "I SAID..." (getting out and circling van), "are you PAYING 2 months RENT?" (apparently they don't like it when you say 'pardon') - "No. I've been in BC this past year, and now i'm heading back to my parents'." "So you don't HAVE a permanent residence!" ....oh oh.... Well, an hour later, after a lengthy interrogation by another guard, filling out several forms, and having my van searched by 2 people, Guard #2 said, "Well, to be honest, it's not looking good for you." Oh frick. "You have no home, no job, and no money." Thank you, Mr.Guard, for summing up my life in such a positive light. After hemming and hawing and more interrogating, he decided I was telling the truth, that I wasn't looking for work in the States, and that if I ran out of money I was going to call home for a loan (heads' up, mom and dad) so that I wouldn't be stuck in the good old U.S.of A. I got a stern talking to with suggestions about what to do next time I decide I might want to cross the border (eg. have a job, have a home). Thankfully I had had the wherewithal before crossing the border to print off my Ontario Teachers' certificate for 2014, an itinerary and map of where I'm heading (possibly!) with addresses and phone numbers, and a typed list of all food in my van. Those things apparently helped - the papers were whisked away and consulted frequently by various guards. The fact that grandma is in the hospital in Ontario also apparently helped my case (?), as well as the fact that my sister is a minister in Michigan (??), that I am doing research on alternative education, and that I'm not actually qualified to teach in the States. So now I'm in the U.S. I only have 2 places lined up to visit, I've spent 4 hours navigating Seattle traffic for no reason, and I don't know what the heck I'm doing!!!! Yet apparently I'm meant to continue on - thank you Border Crossing USA for the go-ahead for the journey. :) |
Arjenna StrongGetting set to travel from the north end of Vancouver Island to who knows where. A compulsive planner and organizer who is trying to let go and go where the wind takes her. Perhaps down the west coast along the ocean into the southern states. Hopefully somewhere warm. Seeing how long the money holds out. Returning back to Ontario for awhile at some point. Archives
February 2015
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